[08 Jan 2004|04:00pm] [ mood | sad/pissed/confused/hurt/blah. ] [ music | 98* the hardest thing ] ray was supposed to be home monday, and hes still not. this is killing me.. i dont think anyone can understand how much.*(@ i waited the WHOLE TIME he has been gone.. since the 13/14th of dec.. its almost a month. its so hard just to be just waiting around.. thinking about him, and doing nothing. i just want to know when he will be home.. or if hes even gonna come back. or if he does, will he want to talk to me? theres so many things i have to think about, and it ksadjflk just sucks. i just really want to know what to do about ray. i mean i like him WAY more than anyone before, online.. or offline. hes the only ONLINE person i have *tried* to go for, or care that much about.. in that way. i mean, i dont even think i understand how much i like him.. its crazy. but him not being here, is seroiusly killing me. i dont know ;/ skjfalksfdalskfj 2 Sweared | @!#$^

[02 Jan 2004|08:38pm] wow. i miss ray so much. hes been gone like.. 20 days almost.. and its killing me not talking to him. ithink hes supposed to be back monday. and im like.. just sitting here waiting. i dont even know what its going to be like when he comes back. will he want to call/talk to me? i wonder how things are going to be between us. i know ill probably bawl when i hear his voice. but what pisses me off is hes coming the day i go back to school which means ill have to sit waiting alllll day. and if he gets home before i get home from school i dunno. im gonna be mad *#(_!* god. it sucks. i havent done anything this break. well i have tried to do things to keep my mind off of it. but i think about him all the time. and everything can be related to something hes said or anything like that. i miss him. ;/ blah i wrote this poem.. ill post it later. im not done with it, i duno what to add,. but yeah. i guess it was inspired by ray. i dunno. but its like what i wish the perfect relationship type thing would be like.. i guess. because its not like our relationship, woiuld just be nice i guess. and wow i suck at typing so i think ill quit. !~ post it later. @!#$^

[23 Dec 2003|01:00am] its been.. a week and a day since i talked to him. i even have dreams about him. i think im definately attached. i miss him. <3 ;[ been in alabama since fri. in atl now, going back tomorrow. fun stuff. going home xmas day, or day after, dunno. 2 Sweared | @!#$^

[15 Dec 2003|04:11pm] well last night was the first night i didn't get to talk to him. and it was so weird ;/ i talked to crystal/rich/chris until 3, so i was really like, kept busy. but id still think about it sometimes and it was gay. he said he would be back in the beginning of jan, and he would call<3 i was so relieved. imisshimalready. its gonna be foreverrrr though. :[ thanks to my lovely friends who amuse me and keep my mind [or try] off of everything. ily. <3 @!#$^

[13 Dec 2003|01:10pm] i hate how life can be so unfair. when you finally start to open up to someone who you really care about, they are taken away from you. i know that ive cared about him so much more than any other guy, and i knew from the beginning that he was someone special.. and now i wont be able to talk to him for like, over 2 weeks. and i dont even know if i will get to talk to him after that. how fucked up is that. i sdafyhasdof hate life. 3 Sweared | @!#$^

[20 Nov 2003|04:08pm] wow. okay. i really like ray= right. and yeah well a good friend does ;/ but i talked to ray about it and it made me feel ALOT better, so im glad [; its all worked out, and everything is cool. and with my friend <3 yay. i don't really like anyone offline, i guess maybe because i hate everyone here :\ or close to it, anyways. im really close with jessica and tiffany again. tiffany has drove like 4 times by herself, her mom is lettin her go more places slowly. but thats okay, she will have a car soon :-D but jess spent the night the other day. she might of was preg. but then we got a test that night, and did it the next morning. came back negative, thank god. she said she would have had an abortion, but i told her no. i so think i talked her into not having one, ever. because its so wrong ;/// i watched finding nemo ;p me and jess rented it. yay, it was cool:D it gets better each time, aha. ohoh im bored. hmm. i guess this update is lame. but oh well. wee. @!#$^

[24 Aug 2003|08:44pm] well friday night i went to the jamboree. it lasted from about 6:30-9:30. I mostly hung out with my good friend chris. charlie+bryson hung out with us alot too. charlies like my BEST guy friend ever, hes always there for me. bryson is my bestfriend tiffanys cousin. but yeah it was pretty cool seeing everyone i haven't seen in ages. i didn't meet ryan, lol. he forgot to take my number, ass. okay then today [sunday] i went to the dam and i drove! on the interstate for the first time. we got there about 1. no one was really there we knew. but later brandon [11]. josef [17;sr at my school, although i dont know him much] and some other kids were out there. me and josef rode a tube where you lay on your stomach, and the boat pulls. mike [the guy that owns the boat] was so funny. hes like, now josef, put your arm around kayla, and sit up and then let me pull. and hes all tryin to play matchmaker. josef was really sweet to me all day <3 i was like aw. but yeah i think were gonna hang out this week, and go to the dam together. @!#$^

[10 Aug 2003|08:43pm] Oh wow, I had a pretty good time at the beach. On Friday night we drove to south GA and spent the night. Then Saturday we drove the rest of the way and got there about 6ish, they had major traffic because of road work, blah. We met this guy like the first fifteen minutes. His name was Lee + he was 15. We just talked for a few because we were going out to eat and stuff, but he had to leave that night. Sunday we ate at our favorite place, 'our deck down under' it was gooooddd food. The hot guy from last year still worked there. Tuesday we went to Islands of Adventure. It was pretty nifty. I rode like all the stuff, rollercoasters/ waterrides and free fall. It rained some so alot of people left and the lines were like, so short it was great. Thursday it was mostly rainy and stuff, so we went at the mall and hung out and stuff. We ate at lonestar, it was pretty good. Our waiter was gay, but he was so funny it was great. On friday we drove back to Orlando and went to Sea World, it was pretty cool ; I thought I wouldnt like it, but it was awesome. I got to pet the cool dolphins, and rode the few rides. It rained for a little bit, but it blew over. Saturday me and Jess slept in and Tiff, Nana, and Beth went to the flea market. I was broke so I had no reason to go really. Then later that night We went to salty dog, I bought a shirt with my last 15 dollars [was saving it for there] and we went a few other places. Overall I bought : 1 oneil beanie, 1 cat in the hat beanie, 1 billabong shirt, 1 island of adventure shirt, 1 salty dog shirt, 5 post cards + stamps, 1 keychain for mom, 1 pen, like 12 black+blue bracelets from hot pocket [ hottopic ], and some junk food hah. With the postcards I wrote ALI, LAUREN, KYLE, KATIE, and BILLY. I missed everyone on aol. Stuff would remind me of everyone, how sad is that? Haha. Kyle texted me all week I was happy<3 Yeha, I am so addicted to the computer I gotta get off at 9 because school=tomorrow, oh joy. OH DUDE I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS, THREW BETHS CELL PHONE, LANDED ON MY HURT SHOULDER so i have to go to the doctor really soon ;[ im so hurt. -cries- but yes im done k later. sorry no lj cut<3 @!#$^

AHEM. [27 Jul 2003|06:42pm] THIS IS KAYLA. k maybe it isn't. but i love kayla. so it makes it just as good. this is lauren ;D i just fucked with kayla's um friend but not really, kinda just a person she knows. i think her bf now thinks she's cheating on him, which would be a good thing. i included that cause i feel the need to write something that belongs in a journal, as i am writing in one. K ILU KAYKAY BYE! @!#$^

[20 Jul 2003|01:14am] [ mood | drained ] wow. today was awesome. from 1-3 me and charlie went to the public pool. then we walked to sonics and got milkshakes, then we walked to his house. we chilled around watched tv.. he cut my thumb with a knife on accident ;[ because i was gettin in his wallet to see his pics and he was playin with his pocket knife and grabbed me with the other hand.. and somehow he ended up cuttin me. he felt so bad, i was like its okay*&$*(!@ then we ate tacobell.. a shake from arbys.. and went and seen 'johnny english' then we went back to his place by about 9:50 and chilled until about 12. yay. it was pretty cool, i miss hangin out with the kid. tomorrow im going to church.. and we have a lunch thingie. i might spend the night at jessicas and go swimming again monday.. [ charlie, cody, me, tiff, jes, all going] and tiffs spending the night there too! woo hoo. yay. busy life again, thank gosh. i was online maybe an hour today, im gettin good at this stuff. @!#$^

[18 Jul 2003|12:34am] [ mood | highh [not really] ] KAYLA: i look stoned or something. Charlie.: yeah you kinda do Charlie.: lol KAYLA: haha. Charlie.: but Charlie.: you look good KAYLA: haha, yeah right. Charlie.: fo rizzle oh man. i like him ;[ but hes my besteestestset buddy. cant like him. no no no. -slaps me- noooooo. 3 Sweared | @!#$^

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